Thursday, April 30, 2009 @ 11:53 PM
get back on your feet.
chemistry results was an utter disappointment, and my efficiency rate has been super screwed nowadays. as i go deeper into the physics world, the feeling of not belonging in the science world is getting stronger. physics was plain hell; my mind was totally blank when i faced the paper. i dont know how to face mrs wong, who's my form teacher and the setter of the paper. i cant say i've tried my best after sleepless or late nights that thoroughly affected my body system.
its tiring, and its very stressful. stress doesnt set in immediately; it sets in after a while. seeing jacinta tear for a while made me tear too, cos i really feel the same way as her. its not about not taking it easy, its just too hard. im just not made to be in a triple science class, but there's no turning back now. no matter how much i regret, it's just one path full of uncertainty ahead of me. i need to feel stronger. i cant succumb to it, and i wont ever let myself fall into a helpless state again. thanks julie, for praying for me. it really helped, and i can say i had a revelation after we ended the call. its like somehow i can feel the communication from God more now.
i want to be like in sec1, when everything i do isnt just an obligation but out of interest too. yes things wont go right all the time, but at least its the joy in the things that i do that matters. its all gone now, and im frantically trying to find that 'thing' back. sec3 is tougher than i thought it would be, and the only thing is to keep yourself going and living by your faith and strength. anyhow, i would like to thank every single person who have stood by me. you've given me strength and hope to keep me going. (:
the last lap to run; bio and math tests next week, for 2 consecutive days with cip right on tuesday. you can do it, amanda. you're not alone.
Sunday, April 26, 2009 @ 5:47 PM
stuck in the mud.
i cant bring myself to start doing work. my head feels heavy and my nostrils are clogged up with mucus. i feel terribly strange. and my stomach's grumbling.
there's so much left undone;
IH proposal, LA comprehension, chinese bao zhang bao dao and the list never ends. i dont see how im going to complete everything.
i want a break):
it would be better with choir; after syf it feels so empty. i want choir pracs to resume quickly, although my voice is like, CMI. yes next it'll be the limelight battle!
anyway, there's nothing much to look forward to this coming week, and its going to be hardcore mugging for physics, i promise.
okay fine i shall end this meaningless post and get started on my work; its time to get my feet out of the mud!
Saturday, April 25, 2009 @ 10:13 PM
the springs and the sprongs
im currently suffering from this awful "sore" throat that threatens to take my voice away.. and my previously squeaky/childish/high-pitched voice has turned into some husky and low one that i myself dont even recognise):
and the worse part is i CANT SING. but at least there's this 1 week break so hopefully i'll recover by then.
went to school today. omg first saturday for just a project meeting, and we did IH efficiently for 5 hours(: now it's left with individual work and the compilation, which i hope really works. SIAs really suck your brain juices out and we had to sit outside a stove outside 304 and endure the heat how sad.
oh yes and looking back, i think i didnt post about the day before IH exam. on that day i slept till like 12 and missed school cos of my stupid throat and shannon and jolene barged into my house nicely hahaha. barged in in a nice way; i totally didnt know it was them till like they were already upstairs. thank you for the kind visit:D its the first time anyone ever visited me at all! yay heart heart. and sky did really stupid things to them like hugging their feet and jumping about, like bringing out all his sexual intentions and excitement LOLL. and i just realised that jolene also posted about the same thing as me haha coincidence!
okay for now i shall let the pictures do the talking.
jerlyn's birthday(:
i dont have a priceless face okay jerlyn!
yay nice(:
(L) forever.
(SYF)
loves!
sec3s(:
i'm dead for physics block test.
Thursday, April 23, 2009 @ 10:25 PM
SYF'09; GwH<3
the feeling on stage was indescribable; it would be an understatement.
SYF'09 with nyc will be etched deeply in my heart; white horses that sounded so magical, aitakute so reflective and zima.. the most amazing one of all.
on stage it was nerve wrecking but the music overpowered that and although i lost half my voice, thank God i was still able to reach the high notes. halfway singing through white horses, the feeling was strong it made tears well up in my eyes. and the last part of zima as well. zima was the best we could ever have done; the resounding effect made the audience go WOW and we could feel it(:
we really knocked VCH off its feet with our music.
thinking that the first and last SYF i'll ever be going through with NYC made me cry downstage. the feeling was so strong; our hard work really did pay off.
im so proud of being part of nyc.
i think, we really did our best.
and that's what that really matters.
nyc; a cut above the rest.
Monday, April 20, 2009 @ 10:00 PM
SYF'09;
i cant believe its 21042009 tomorrow.
apart from the fact that i've nevr really started on my revision for ih, (zomgomgomg) i shall just focus on choir yes.
its been more than 5 months since we first touched on white horses zima and i want to see them; all the effort we've put into it, the pain we endured, the setbacks we've been through.. everything that we've gone through is just for tomorrow, just for that 10 minutes.
5 months worth of hard work just for the sake of 10 minutes on 21st Apr 09.
its so amazing that we've actually achieved so much in this period of time; the countless drillings on otsukaino.. we've leaped heaps and bounds and come so far, i really cant compare the state we were in before and presently.
for ms lim, for everyone else, for ourselves, we shall make tomorrow the best. we shall produce music that reaches out to the audience and touches their heart, give it our best shot.
never mind the outcome, what matters the most is that.. we've already tried our best. i want to feel good walking downstage, i want to feel like its the best performance we've ever put up. and we will do it, as much as ms lim, our classmates, our seniors and everyone else who believes that we will.
i believe we'll be able to do it and secure that GwH, but in the end the outcome isnt really what that matters. its all about the heart and soul put into the songs, and so long as we've done our best, we've achieved platinum.
WOOHOO SO NYC WE'LL GET OUR BUTTS ON STAGE TOMORROW AND KNOCK VCH OFF ITS FEET.
yes its our time!
NYC FTW!
its all because we're nyc, a cut above the rest.
♥
Saturday, April 18, 2009 @ 8:43 PM
let it go;
when things dont go your way,
they always say
"in the end, it'll be okay." nyc, its two more days. treasure the time and tension we feel as a choir before syf is over. and for sec3s'09, it'll be our first and last;
we'll make it happen.
love.
Thursday, April 16, 2009 @ 9:28 PM
epiphany;
choir felt SO good on wednesday.
aitakute felt really.. close to the heart. im so glad the prep talked work. prep talks are proven to be effective(: i hope choir doesnt lose that tingling feeling, that tension and all the emotions. everything felt so real for the first time. the ambience the mood the feel- everything. its the first time a choral song made me want to cry.
SYF is in five days; and still counting.
it suddenly isn't about fear about hitting the wrong note or blending with the person next to me anymore. its all about the music, and the feeling is strong. hopefully all will go well tomorrow.. and then we'll rock the stage on tuesday yeah<3
well the reason why i havent been updating is cos of stupid chemistry block test which was today. but man, im so relieved that thing's over. horrible, horrible thing. its so uncertain; the more we cross check our answers the more uncertain we get.
anyway, erina's supposed to come today but she had something on the last minute): so yeah, im supposed to go do my math ws now and hopefully start on IH soon enough for me to not panick.
oh and on a random note, i do NOT have resilient fringe (amandaðel). i must go chop off my fringe, no rather CHANGE my fringe after SYF. hah then i'll prove it to you(: and ziwei likes to engulf me in her arms o.o
okay i shall go do my work now(:
oh and grats to nymd for achieving an awesome GwH!
Monday, April 13, 2009 @ 10:27 PM
" you can count on me"
congrats NYNB for being in top 4 nats whoo!
tayziwei better make us prouddd kay(: CLAIRE AND I HELPED YOU COPY NOTES TODAY!!!
today felt short, first part of the day spent with SJJ and then leting.
guitar just now was terribly mind blogging, or rather finger straining. i figured my hand's too small to occupy the whole area of the guitar's strings. but learnt how to play tong2 hua4, which was quite a big achievement i guess.
seriously seriously dread chemistry block test, i realise that this new environment is not a conducive one AT ALL. perhaps its just me but yes im going to force my nose down the books now. on a random note, erina's coming on thursday night (YAY) for studying period:D clever nana got into accelerated math and science in NJC. this is unbelievable.
anyway, it feels like loads are happening tomorrow; PE, audi practice.. and shoot my mom forgot to collect my gown, so hopefully she rushes over in time before 2.3o.
what they said was really true. from fifteen days it zoomed to ten days and now its left with eight. strive on, nyc. its now or never♥
for a certain you:
it might perhaps take quite some time to settle down and get used to it what you're facing, or rather accept how things seem to repeat in a vicious cycle over and over again, although you wish so much for it to stop. but.. don't push yourself too much, it'll do more harm than good in a matter of time. its really quite sad to see you so demoralized over such matters.. but do know that these sort of things are inevitable.. and besides managing your expectations, friends are here for a reason(: they accompany you through hell and get you out of it alive, maybe not as happy but at least, alive. whenever you feel like tearing your papers apart, always remember that you're not the only one struggling out there, and that there ARE people who are constantly looking out for you. ♥
Friday, April 10, 2009 @ 11:41 PM
your words left me crashing into a sea of doubt.
SYF really mean alot to performing arts cca, and i know the feeling of it. how can i NOT mean all those words that i've said to you?
yes, perhaps words cant help. but its the best i can do.
sometimes its just not worth it to do something when people do not even appreciate it.
@ 12:47 AM
what i've been looking for;
today was really a MAD RUSH.
like one of the maddest out of my days spent in nanyang. had a tough night/early morning yesterday trying to scrape something out for clep, rush through math assignment etcetc. my body clock's getting all screwed up; like i feel most awake during the wee hours of the night. it feels good, but its really bad.
auditions for NYSS were better than i thought (at least?) it was sort of impromptu with many last minute arrangements, and somehow all of us were not that familiar with the song yet. but its a great song yeah? (: formation atthe front part was really hilarious and retarded, i bet the JUDGES had a hard time keeping their faces straight haha. *ahems*
yes but the main point was for sec3'09 batch to have fun and just bond, although our bond's already unbreakable(:
rushed through physics assignment after school. im always left with physics to do, because i always leave the worst for the last. thankfully loyee and wenjing were there; they made life much happier. minqhee and meizhen, thanks for screaming at me to get the parallelograms right, because seriously i think i wouldnt have realised that i had been doing the wrong things the whole time.
conclusion: im a dork at physics.
and i met erina by coincidence(: had a nice chat the bus ride home and apparently both of us take the same buses home! we made a pact to jog around our neighbourhood or to CTE (she's crazy) for fun or something. finally i have a NEIGHBOUR(:
oh and the cupboard/mirror/sidetables came today. so my room looks furnished, but too practical. i want to repaint my walls into something much livelier, but i shall just stay contented with it as it is now. heehee its really fun to own a room!
want to take a break today and go to sleep early; shall be energized for tomorrow's bbq + revision! shannon and jolene, really hope you guys will come...
Wednesday, April 08, 2009 @ 8:22 PM
this whole week is about to come to an end. like everything whooshed past, just like that.
got back chinese block test results on monday. i thought what i got was satisfactory.. but sadly compared to my class, no its not. it isnt how i usually fare.. and i wasnt exactly under the best conditions on that day. but that doesnt give any excuse, right? its obvious disappointment, but no im not going to continue being like that. block test 2 shall be better. i shall take any measures to improve my chinese. i'll TRY TRY TRY!
oh and on monday i had my first guitar lesson (: it was relatively fun, and seriously tedious. borrowed the school's guitar cos mine apparently was 3/4 size, the one i played in primary 5 and i almost brought it there, and thankfully i didnt. it was quite difficult catching up with the rest.. especially when my fingers have a limited distance in stretching. and i cant like alternate my fingers when playing. shannon and jolene looked really really experienced somehow, haha. and stupid jolene ong, she brought her MATH REVISION EXERCISE instead of the guitar scores. LOL.
tuesday was unexpectedly bland. the day seemed so long like it was never going to end at all. had some sure-fail physics quiz and biology quiz, thats all i can remember.
today's prac was tortorous in the beginning; my stamina really sucks man. i dont know how im actually going to pass 2.4 at this rate.. but choir felt rather good. all the innovative ways loyee came out with for us to feel the music/blend as a choir really worked, for me. it was a good opportunity to actually see where i stood, on which aspect i needed to improve on etc. sighs i really hope i can get rid of the damned air layering my voice and anchor the notes more.
anyway, stress level is rising up as the year progresses.. together with SYF its going to be like one whole lump of things dumped on my head.
its just 13 days away.. "the last lap".
i'll give my all for it.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009 @ 11:02 PM
):
it never started out well.
im so tired already i dont want to care about anything anymore.
@ 10:44 PM
an eventful day.
things today were quite bland.
managed to stay awake throughout the day although my eyelids threatened to close many times. choir was a blast<3 i love standing in staggered positions, and especially like it standing next to sheryin, singing white horses(: the formation of the chords was beautiful although some clashed haha. singing with someone else makes you feel so.. warm. it felt really really good(:
on another note, many many things have been happening lately.
school's stressful; what with one block test every week. it kills the brain, and i think i failed chinese.):
but..
dont let the blocks block you!
-ms lim.
yes yes thats what we're going to aim for. lessons otherwise have been quite stagnant and information overwhelming. next week's a horrible week; 3 quizzes in a row. D: nevermind, we'll survive it! with crappy classmates in 304, i know that im not alone<3
SYF is in 19 days time.
GwH.
we want, we will, we must.
@ 4:37 AM
sense of accomplishment setting in at a late-early hour..
i just finished my ih essay.
and im off to catch my last 1h of sleep before i wake up for school.
this rocks.